Last night I had a dream that I got caught up in a hurricane, like one of those ones that has tornadoes and stuff going on too. There were other people there, don’t remember who, just that we tried to hunker down in a doorway but that didn’t do any good since the entire house got lifted up out of the ground. I was looking out a window somehow, saw another house coming into view, and just before we crashed into it I woke up.
Whatever my subconscious was trying to tell me about the crazy shit that would be happening today, it was right. It was just one of those days, you know? Nothing goes the way you want it to. Most of it was minor shit, like I rode the elevator down before it went back up to where I was trying to go and my professors were being particularly batshit and my soon-to-be ex-husband was being an annoying bitch over text. Buuuuuttt no day like this could just be full of minor shit, so of course at lunch today I locked my keys in my car. In the ignition. With the car turned on.
If J hadn’t been there and taken control of the situation and called some guy to come pop the lock, I would’ve probably just been a sobbing mess for a while before I figured out what to do. Honestly, as hard as I try to deny it, I don’t think I can survive without being in a relationship. I’m a smart person, the grades I’ve been getting compared to the amount of work I put in for them prove that, but I don’t think a person more clutzy than me exists on this planet. And when I do these absolutely moronic things like oh, I don’t know, fucking leaving my car light on for hours or get lost in the middle of downtown because I tried to use the bus system here or as the case may be, lock my fucking keys in my running car, I basically need someone to save me. Because I just can’t handle these things on my own.
So once again, praise J for being the most awesome fucking guy on the planet and literally being my knight in shining armor here. Could not have done it without him, though I don’t know how I will ever thank him enough since we’re basically just friends now so I can’t just give him blowjobs for the rest of eternity or something. Oh whale!
Anyway, in other news, the Cook is… ugh. He’s falling for me hard and I’m at this point where, whenever I’m with him, I just have this mental image of me with my arms up saying “Stop, just STOP!” I guess it never occurred to me how difficult it could be to break up with someone I’m not even dating, especially since his best friend is in my class so that would make things even more awkward, but I HAVE to. Really have to not be a pussy about this… and that’s so hard for me. Ugh, just ugh. I guess I could be super annoying to him but honestly he seems like the kind of guy who would take it just to have a girlfriend. UGH.
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is the Lawyer, who I would date in a heartbeat if he asked me. Yeah yeah, I know, I keep changing my mind about this one but we’ve been hanging out a bit more recently and every time we do, I always leave with a smile plastered on my face for hours and maybe a couple of butterflies too. Maybe ;) He’s the guy out of all of them that I wouldn’t be good enough for though – hotshot lawyer, way smarter than me, 6 years older so way more mature – not super great-looking but that’s the thing, guys like that would be embarrassed to have a girl too pretty next to them, since they know everyone would be thinking “trophy girlfriend.” Plus I’m way more socially awkward than he is and that would just pile on the embarrassment.
Kinda sad, isn’t it, that I’m actually strongly considering finding myself a boyfriend? It’s more out of convenience of cuddles than anything – I mean I just want someone who will cuddle me whenever I want for as long as I want and otherwise leave me alone. That’s not too much to ask, is it? But it does make it difficult to fuck everyone I want, so there’s a dilemma I suppose.
Anyway, I can’t just get a boyfriend to have a boyfriend. Gotta really like the guy and the only two guys I even remotely feel that way about clearly don’t return the feelings, so it’s actually not much of a dilemma. Just have to keep doing my thing.