Crazy J Stuff:
When J and I met he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of three years. In the past few months they’ve been talking and hooking up a bit, but ever since that other girl came into J’s life a couple months ago, he seemed sure that he was over his ex. He hadn’t even talked to her in a while. I hinted a couple times that I thought it wasn’t over for him, that he was still in love with his ex, but he always shut me down. Well, I feel like shit but I told him so.
His ex got into a car accident about a week ago. She’s in the hospital right now, in a coma. It looks like she’s going to wake up though – she’s showing signs of moving and even opened her eyes for a few seconds. J is… a wreck, on the inside anyway. And happy at the same time, I think. Because I guess he went and saw her lying in that hospital bed and realized that he wants to be with her, that he still loves her, that he doesn’t want anyone else. He can’t wait for her to wake up so he can tell her those things, I’m sure.
There are a lot of questions, of course. What if she has brain damage? Even something minor, like a different personality? What if she’s impaired somehow? He probably wouldn’t stay with her like that, but he seems so sure that she’s going to wake up and everything will go back to the way it was. I didn’t ask him this because I didn’t want to upset him, but my real question is – what if she doesn’t want him back? What if they get back together and everything IS the same way it used to be? They broke up for various reasons, after all. What if everything in their relationship hinges on this accident from now on? I wrote about it before. The fear that things aren’t permanent makes people do funny things.
I was already a little worried about him before. Of course I can’t speak from any experience but my own, but he seemed a bit depressed. He’s told me multiple times that he feels like he has no motivation to do anything. He sleeps sporadically – I’ve seen him on the dating site at 3 am and then again at 6 am on a work day. He smokes constantly, which I know is not a sign of depression, but it does magnify the feelings and attitudes that come with depression. He doesn’t have any clear goals in life – make money, maybe go to school again some day – that sort of thing, but he doesn’t have something he really wants to accomplish. I think the causes of his depression were in part breaking up with his long-term girlfriend and also hurting his wrist, which caused him to be unable to exercise for the last few months. All of this stuff points in a very clear direction for me, and I was going to bring it up to him, but then this happened… Now the most I could muster to tell him was “you should talk to someone.” But he’s not, of course he’s not, and when his ex wakes up and they get back together again, he’ll have a band aid and there won’t be a way to point out that he should probably look underneath it for his own good.
We hung out the past couple of nights but we didn’t do anything remotely sexual, just watched shows and cuddled basically. I think he just needed someone to be there with him. Honestly I’m okay with that, I have been kind of wanting to transition into being just friends with him and not friends with benefits, but the thing about that is that I might end up with neither. So there’s another conversation I’m too much of a pussy to bring up.
Crazy Mr. Superman Stuff:
Not really that crazy. Just a bit irritating. He didn’t make it clear to me at all that he was actively looking for a girlfriend. Or you know, that he’s about to get into a serious relationship. He’s still offshore right now for work, but he’s coming back in a couple days. The plan was to hang out, have a threesome, have fun… Turns out all we’re really doing is the threesome, because after that he’s getting himself an exclusive girlfriend. He was all like, “Yeah, I’ll give you one last great fucking before we have to say our good-byes!” But really it’s not even for me, it’s basically his last hurrah with two girls before he has to be monogamous.
And check it out, when I asked if we could be Facebook friends, he was like, “No, you’re just a fuck buddy.” Seriously dude? I have people who are Facebook friends who’s guts I legitimately hate. Maybe he really only has like family and close friends on there, but it’s sort of shitty to be told that I’m a step below an internet friend who’s posts he might like once a year. I’m debating how much of a bitch I want to be to him… On the one hand I don’t really want to flake out on the threesome thing, that other girl is super hot and I want to at least meet her and maybe develop something there. On the other hand, I kind of don’t really want to see him again. Really I think it comes down just to how he said “no” to the Facebook friends thing. If he had said “I have a lot of work people on there so I’d rather not” or something, I’d have been okay with it. But really? “You’re just a fuck buddy”? Yeah, well how about I’m actually not your fuck buddy anymore?
Crazy Lawyer Stuff:
I mentioned that he has a girlfriend now (again). Well I couldn’t fucking help myself. We’ve been talking a bit about law school stuff and I asked him for his old notes and outlines. He said he would look for them and he put it off for a while. A few days ago I texted him about that stuff and he sent me an office picture of himself to demonstrate that he was still working even though it was 9 pm. We talked a bit, then I mentioned he had a cute tie in the picture… And he told me to send him a sexy selfie. So I did. Compliments galore, and then we went our separate texting ways…
Next day, like I said, I couldn’t help myself. I sent him a text that was like “Would it be inappropriate to say that I kinda miss you?” He replied with “Inappropriate? Nah. Unexpected? A bit!” Which was basically bullshit and I told him so, and he said maybe I should come over and get the outlines and notes myself on a flash drive. But he insinuated that we’d be good, that all we’d do is hang out and talk a bit, no naughty stuff.
Haha. Yeah right, right? Went over there yesterday and I was barely through his door before he was kissing me and saying, “I decided I didn’t want to be good.” Clothes were off in seconds and we were fucking like it was our last day on the planet before I could say “outline.” I really did miss him, he’s absolutely gorgeous and THICK and knows exactly what I like. We broke his bed somehow. Not entirely sure what happened, but there were definitely wood cracking noises.
I feel like he wasn’t too happy though. Like he felt bad about screwing around on his girlfriend, even though from what I’ve heard about her, he doesn’t even care for her that much. And I feel a little bad for being the cause of his feeling bad, but hey, he’s a grown man. I just won’t push going to see him again; if he wants to hang out he can ask. It’s not like I would ever say no.